27 April 2020 Blog 5 – Let Go and Let God…And Then What? continue Chapter 1 …and then nothing
I remember many years ago, I had asked God for wisdom. I wish I could say the years that followed were the most blissful and enlightening years of my life. Not even close. Without even knowing it, I had become an explorer of my soul: of my true self. And after many years of exploring ‘wisdom’, I wasn’t any closer to finding it or being wiser. So, if I were to grade myself as to whether I was a great explorer or a pretty poor explorer – the result would be a pretty poor explorer. But it was still not until some years later that I discovered this to be the incorrect answer. How could I not have been a great explorer? I asked a question and received an answer. I jumped right in. My feet were firmly planted on the edge of the precipice. Without hesitation, I jumped.
I had no idea what it meant to be wise when I asked God for wisdom. When I asked the question, I wasn’t even in a place of Letting Go and Letting God. The question … and then what … wasn’t even in my thoughts. I just asked. Life happened. Life presented me with many roads to walk on. Life presented me with many people to bring into my life. Did I always make the choice that made me feel good? Many times yes, but many times, no. But each time I felt good with my decision, it was because I trusted my gut feeling. When I went against my gut feeling, I’m sure you know how I felt. Not good. But did it stop me from ignoring and going against my instincts? Nope.
Going against my better judgment kept me on the edge of the rose field. I could see in but didn’t dare to walk in. I was stupid, remember? You learned this ‘fact’ earlier in the story. I was told I was stupid and I was treated as being stupid starting way back in kindergarten. My kindergarten teacher told my mother that I was a retarded child. That is how they labeled us back then.
My mother asked why she had assessed me as a retarded child. “Because she is quiet. She doesn’t talk. She doesn’t answer me when I ask her to do something. She spends her day by herself, playing by herself.” replied the teacher.
“Suzanne has always been quiet and has always kept to herself.” replied my mother. “When you ask her to do something, do you say please?”
I believe this ended that conversation and it was the last time the teacher ever made that comment about me again.
However, this mental assessment of my worth in this society didn’t end there. I went from being retarded to being stupid. But don’t feel sad or bad for me. I believed it. So it was true. I thought it, and I made it come true. You are what you think. Is this not true? This was way before the journey to wisdom even started. I was so far from the start line. Well, at least I thought I was. But in actuality, I only know now that I was always at the start line.
Being at the start line of my life towards Let Go and Let God was right there, staring me in the face. At that tender age of 3, 4 or 5, I knew exactly what I was doing. I made the choice to get what I thought I needed from my parents, knowing full well that I would never get it. I had no idea then that it was all up to me to decide how I wanted to feel. Who the heck knows this at the age of 3, 4 or 5? But my heart did know exactly what was for my highest good then as it does now. But going to God for this wasn’t in my hemisphere.
I recall the human memory of God and of Jesus on the cross and all that. Yes, I grew up Catholic. I remember being told that if I was good, I would receive roses and go to heaven. If I was bad, you guessed correctly … no roses and no heaven. There was a whole lot of nonsense like that. But it never took me away from God. I knew exactly who God was, and it wasn’t what I was being taught that offended me. I kept little secrets to myself about who God really was for me and to me. However, even this knowledge didn’t stop me from making a s..t load of bad choices that I cannot help but wonder how different my life would be today. But my choices are my choices, and they are what has brought me here today with you. And I can say, it’s a pretty awesome ‘right here and now’!
Let Go and Let God, and then what? … and then nothing! So what do you expect from this God of yours? What do you really know about your God? Maybe this could be a good place to start finding out … and then what? Maybe it’s a whole lot of nothing. Or maybe it’s a whole lot of ‘wow’. Subtle as … and then what … may be, decide for yourself what the option of not discovering … and then what? and then nothing can be the most amazing ‘nothing’ of your life. It does mean that you need to get your butt off the lazy boy chair and stop playing with the TV remote control, and get out there in Life and BE. Can you BE?
By the way, there is no ‘I hope for’, ‘I want … whatever’, ‘I pray for … ‘ … anything that you wish for. Either you know … and then what, or you don’t. If you don’t, ask the question. And … either you know it’s done … you can see the outcome because as they say, if you can dream it, you can make it happen! No exception.