27 April 2020 Blog 3 – Let Go and Let God…And Then What? continue Chapter 1 …and then nothing

A couple months before writing this book, I chatted with my friend Kath who took a job I thought would be offered to me. Kath had turned down this position because she had extended her existing contract. I was recommended for the position. I travelled to the country of Georgia. I met everyone. Every day the consultant assured me that this job was mine. I reviewed the contract and signed. Then the consultant told me the client had requested a back-up person for interview in case I didn’t accept the position. I had not met this person or crossed paths with her until we were checking in at the airport. The moment I shook hands with this person I knew they had offered her the position. I didn’t learn of this official decision until twelve hours later. Despite the red flags flashing in front of my face during my stay in Georgia, I was resistant to the decision I had to make for myself. Everything said not to take this job. I was desperate and I was going to take it knowing full well it would be a nightmare.

Not getting the job led to a great deal of self-doubt, frustration, and financial stress. I continued my search for a job. Then I got a call for another job. I flew to London. It was a great interview. But I still had red flags show up. I was assured again that this job was mine. I was assured that by the time I got home an email would be waiting in my inbox to finalize the offer. I waited a week—nothing! No call. No email. I reached out to the company, and they said the person who they thought wanted to resign from the position decided to stay. I was furious.

I continued my search. Then—success! I got a job offer I was actually excited about and keen on doing. No red flags. I got the job. After six months the company sought to hire a new manager for a department I would be working very closely with. I contacted my friend Kath who initially refused the job in Georgia.

When I reached out to Kath, she informed me she had completed her contract. She was now one year in on the Georgia job. The woman they hired instead of me couldn’t do the job. I was sorry to hear that. I had sensed and seen the challenges of this position. And it turned out that Kath was keen on taking the job. But she also told me I had a dodged a bullet.

After listening to her story, I was beyond joy that I had not walked into that mess. But what I did learn since then about the question of And then what?—how I am one hundred percent responsible and accountable for my feelings in what I decide they are and how I decide what my experience will be—is all up to me. No exceptions. No excuses. However, what was ironic was discovering that the behaviours, choices, and feelings I allowed outside forces to control travelled with me everywhere I went. So the same nonsense I was told I dodged by not getting the job in Georgia wasn’t the point at all just because I had brought myself to another job. What Kath experienced in her job, I was experiencing in my current job. So in actuality, I had not dodged any bullet until I learned that my thoughts—what I think every moment of my life—creates my reality. No exception to this either.

Overall, my life was a pretty unhappy existence until I came to understand this, to know this, to experience this. This magical moment started when I was in the Charles-de-Gaule airport lounge. Well, let’s not get too dramatic. It wasn’t all the time that I was living a pretty unhappy existence, but it was a lot—too much of the time.

I had a few hours before my connecting flight to West Africa where I worked. I received a ding on my WhatsApp from my friend Christina. She had sent me a YouTube link to Wayne Dyer. I settled into a quiet area of the lounge to watch the video link. I ate my lunch and sipped champagne. This wasn’t one of those unhappy moments … I was just at rest, living in the moment. I sat facing the window.

I watched the planes land and take off. I watched the short video. It was about being grateful that you didn’t always get what you asked for in life. Ding! Ding! Ding!

Until that moment, I had never been grateful for what I didn’t have. I had been grateful for what I had. Of course I can say ‘thank goodness I didn’t get this or that’ on occasion. I said this when, in fact, it didn’t really matter or I didn’t pay too much attention to any of it. I only felt upset and unaware of the gift of not getting what I wanted when I was frightened of being unemployed, when I was running from something instead of being focused on where I wanted to go, and head in that direction. Essentially, this no ‘gratitude’ for what I didn’t get came from a place where I just didn’t honour myself or trust my gut feeling. I felt way off the mark of being aligned with my highest self.

Before that day at the Paris airport, I had read many ‘self-help’ or ‘inspirational’ books throughout my adult life. Each time I learned something new and experienced growth. There was no doubt about that. But after listening to the link Christina had sent me, I continued listening to more and more of Wayne Dyer’s YouTube videos. I completely immersed myself in his teachings. Every moment I wasn’t working, I put my headphones in my ears and listened. I watched videos as soon as I woke up, when I ate, when I was at the gym, after work, up to when it was time to head to bed. Then, I started all over again the next day. I can say with absolute certainty that this saved my life!

The Wayne Dyer YouTube links directed me to Esther Hicks, also known as Abraham Hicks, author of Law of Attraction and many other great books. I downloaded everything I could find. I immersed myself in Abraham’s teachings. It too was life changing. It was and still is an exciting journey. It’s one that will never end.

Around this same time, my friend Aranka told me about audible.ca. I had never thought of listening to audio books. But I followed my gut feeling. I applied what I was learning. I was trusting. I purchased various audio books authored by Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks. I immersed myself in these books every single day. Since then, there has been a great revolutionary change in my heart, my body and my soul. I am not the same person that I was before I decided to make the changes I wanted in my life. And I have been enjoying the ‘what I asked for’, the experiences I want to live – big or small, and I am still attracting wonderful experiences in my life.